A favorite quote of mine by Dale Carnegie reads, “Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain but it takes character and self control to be understanding and forgiving." This thought carries serious weight. I read it some time back in his book, How to Win Friends and Influence People, and it has resonated with me ever since. But it has taken until more recently though, when I have been monitoring closely my thoughts and ego that I have witnessed how quick that part of my brain is to judge. My ego doesn't want to be an impartial bystander but instead wants to make its opinion known, to show its rightness or superiority. And now that I see it in myself, I see it running rampant in others too. In fact, my wife, who is more keen to picking up such things than myself, noted that she has found that even in her most compassionate of friends there is a continual stream of complaining. Everybody is complaining! All the time!

Complaining is one thing, and certainly an unhealthy thing, but criticizing and condemning are another level. On this level, one jumps from inducing themselves with negativity to directing it at others. I criticize you and condemn you because you don't look, act, talk, think, believe or whatever the way that I think you should. You are wrong, this situation is wrong, this timing is wrong, I am wrong, everything is wrong because it doesn't match my mental image of how everything should be and what a tragedy it is. This thinking has infected numerous people and they spread it through their complaining, criticizing, and condemning. We've been around it and doing it ourselves for so long that it is a tough habit to break and we do
it unconsciously.

What I've found in myself, the best way to combat it is to be constantly
aware of the thoughts streaming through the head. Monitor your thoughts and catch yourself when the voice in your head starts to complain, criticize, or condemn. Just be aware that it is happening even if you can't stop it from triggering an emotional response or the words escaping out of your mouth. Like most habits, it takes effort to break it. Being aware you are doing it is the first step. The next step is to remind yourself that your thoughts are skewed by your unique world view - that we tend to see the world not as it is, but rather how we are. Understanding how your mind works is valuable in unwinding the control it wants to have on the surrounding environment. Another key is to tell yourself that everything is happening exactly how it is supposed to - not because there is some predetermined plan - but
because it IS happening and you can't change that reality. In that sense it is good to accept it early and relax. As my sibling says, "it is what it is."

Once you are able to drop the complaining, criticizing, and condemning and start accepting people and situations for what they are, the less negative emotion you carry within. You might actually start to feel good, relieved, and maybe even entertained by the characters and plots that surround you! Just let go. Life on this rock is a ride, not a ship you steer, so let go and enjoy it.